I’ve no problem

I have no problem when you are being nice to everyone
In fact, I’m happy that everybody likes you
But sometimes, I’m tired
Then I need someone to take all the blame
All the things I said is not all the truth
It’s not what I really mean to
I was just happy to tease you
To see how you react
To see how well you know me

13 November 2012

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Sepulang Mengajar

Di malam hari diiringi hujan rintik-rintik cerita ini dimulai…
Pulang dari mengajar privat

Saat melewati turunan, tiba-tiba si Pitung mulai ngadat.. brt.. bberrrt…. Lalu mati seketika
Gak tahunya karena bensin sudah habis. Menipis.
Tenang, dalam hati… sambil komat-kamit membaca doa karena kiri jalan saat itu adalah areal pekuburan yang gelap tanpa lampu. Moga tidak ada setan usil yang menampakkan dirinya saat itu. Moga saja mereka kedinginan sehingga gak berani keluar. Hehehe.

Oh.. untunglah malam ini bukan malam kliwon. Bukan juga hari kamis. Makin tenanglah saya…
Tapi… pom bensin masih jauh…jarang ada kendaraan yang lewat… gak jauh dari situ ada warnet yang masih buka penuh orang-orang sedang online. Saya masuk dan tanya operator, yang ternyata seorang mba-mba yang lagi sibuk chatting di facebook. Saya lihat kakinya, oh masih napak ke lantai. Berarti dia manusia. Ahaha, mana ada setan online facebook ada juga pocong di twitter, dimanakah tempat jual bensin eceran. Mbanya menunjuk rumah tak jauh dari situ yang gelap gulita.

Baiklah, saya ucapkan terimakasih dan segera pergi mengikuti arahan mba operator warnet. Tapi kok rumahnya kaya rumah hantu.. gelap… dan belum di cat. Dindingnya hanya berwarna semen. Saya ketuk pintunya. Tak ada tanggapan… yang saya dengar malah suara kodok dan jangkrik nyanyi di kuburan tak jauh dari situ. Mungkin mereka lagi ngobrol sama mba kunti atau mereka lagi ketawain nasib malang saya malam itu. Lalu ada ibu-ibu kecil berkulit putih, rambut sebahu berbaju merah keluar sambil bertanya, ada apa ya mba? Saya jawab, saya butuh bensin karena motor saya mogok. Sang ibu segera keluar membawa sebotol bensin. Oh.. ibunya juga menyentuh tanah.. beliau manusia juga kok. Untunglah… setelah bayar dan mengucapkan terimakasih saya segera menunggangi Pitung dan pulang dengan masih diiringi suara jangkrik dan kodok yang masih ngobrol meski hari sudah malam.

Hikmah yang bisa diambil: malem-malem jangan lewat kuburan apalagi saat bensin habis.
Isilah bensin motor sebelum mogok.

The romantic rooster

 

In front of my new dorm, there is a quite big cage for a hen. I don’t think she’s beautiful. Perhaps, it’s a yes for a rooster. Because, every morning I see a rooster stand outside the cage. The rooster and the hen seem talking each other. For a long time, they stand between the cages. I thought they’re in relationship. Moreover, I never see the rooster with another hen. What a loyal rooster!

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he’s dating with hen inside the cage everyday

 

Moving out

 

I told you before that my family planned to move out from our house. It happened.

Few days after Ied’s celebration, we packed our things. There were so many big boxes in every room. It’s a mess. A lot of people helped to take out the huge cupboards and refrigerator. To move out everything in our house, there were a big truck and a small truck. Wow!

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the messy kitchen

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boxes were everywhere

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fiuuuh~ it’s heavy, isn’t

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Then …

There’s only empty room left. As empty as my heart.

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my sister’s empty room

 

 

self crisis

the bad side of myself is i have so much care for what people say and think about me. even it’s not essential.
I feel terrible when people talk at my back. it’s getting worse when i hear those annoying comment.
it’s much relief and comforting when they talk directly to me. though, the effect is still the same. hehe.

“they don’t really know me anyway. why bother.”
i will calm myself by repeating the sentence above. sometimes it works. if not, i’ll take a nap. hoping i’ll forget that.

the thing is, when someone -like- know you the most said that you’re uninteresting and unattractive, it will be terrible.
awful.
no matter how they say it.

i keep wondering and asking my self, “am i not attractive?”
it feels like, well, i don’t know what to say.

it made me feel that i’m not worthed as a girl.
my self confidence now is dropping.
deep.

i wish i could calm my self by saying “they don’t really know me anyway. why bother.”
but the truth is he knows me.
and taking a nap doesn’t help.